What have you lost?

It was early January 2008 and I was standing in my kitchen thinking about goals for the year ahead. As I prepared dinner, I realised I had never dealt with grief before - an odd thought to have peeling potatoes – as it struck me that no one I was truly close to had died. I had no idea three months later grief would come crashing into my life like a tsunami and drown everything I knew.

In April that year I lost my daughter at 36 weeks pregnancy and it was the most traumatic and painful loss I had ever experienced. Walking into the hospital fully pregnant and then leaving 2 days later, empty.

Around a year later my dad died. I was with him when he took his last breath – I knew that was it. We had an extremely close bond, even though much of my life was spent in different cities and countries. When we were together though, we had so much fun, laughed all the time – we have the same sense of humour! My dad worked hard and he played even harder. He loved life and had so much more to give, it was terribly upsetting.

I share this with you as it’s so easy to be stuck in grief, thinking about loved ones lost or things we no longer have or wish we could change. I have been caught in regrets of things I said to my dad or didn’t say, some situations I wish could change – however this isn’t true to his memory. Sure, I would love to give him a hug and hear his calming voice, but what he taught me through our time together and how he lived his life, lives on in me. It can never die and is for me to share with my family, friends and you.

When we love and then lose someone, we always have so much more to gain. Their love lives within us and is amplified, as love can never diminish, it simply transforms. We can transform.

Anyone can go through unthinkable trauma and grief, it doesn’t discriminate and it’s not just reserved for ‘bad people’.

With my inexperience, I thought handling grief was just about surviving, if I could keep going, keep living I would be OK. And yes that’s true in one sense - my body and mind was working, however it wasn’t sustainable. If you don’t face the pain and work through the stages of grief you will get stuck. For myself, a few years later health issues started to creep in through a cough that I just couldn’t shake for months, until I had some Reiki treatments.

You may be aware of the 5 stages of grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross; denial and shock, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (hope can be added too). It is important to note this is not a linear process and you may well jump between all of them and back again, as you work through the stages.

Grief turns up in lots of ways. The most obvious is losing a loved one, but it can be through any loss that is significant to you; a relationship, job, home, pet, or your identity, self-worth, childhood. As we continue through life and experience new losses, the layers of grief build. A seemingly small loss (by comparison) can trigger huge responses that don’t match the circumstance. Be reassured when this happens you are releasing more pain and know that you can work through this.

In this past year if you have dealt with a loss, help is available. If things aren’t where you want them to be, we can slowly peel back the layers and my guess, unreleased grief is hiding somewhere in there. Now you can set it free.

This was always going to be a hard post for me to write as it is so personal and close to my heart. It was through grief that I found Reiki and so I am here today to help you, wherever you find yourself in the grieving process, please contact me and we can work out the best Reiki package to help you.